We may all agree that legitimate sick days can’t be helped, but what about the more questionable absences? Apparently, some employees think being sick isn’t good enough excuse, so they get a little more creative.

Here for your amusement are, some of the funniest excuses people have used to call in sick that aren’t necessarily lies — but they’re certainly odd and sound suspicious.

 

1. I used hair removal on my face and my face swelled up.

 

2. An employee calls in and says she can no longer go to work for 7am.  When asked why, she states she has headaches and that her doctor said she was getting up too early and not getting enough sleep.  The employers asked what time she was getting to bed and the employee stated “1 am in the morning”.

 

3. An employee shows up to work in a bottling company. After an hour of work the employee goes to the H.R. department and says “I cannot work here, I am allergic to water”

** Are humans not made up of 97% water???

 

4. Employee called in to work first thing in the morning. “I cannot go to work today, I had my teeth ripped out and I burnt my hand on the stove.

 

Oh, how’s your hand.

 

5. Employee calls into her work. “I cannot go to work today, my husband is sick, his hand really hurts”

How old is your husband???

 

6. At 7am an employee calls his place of work and leaves this message “I cannot work today, I am on my way to the hospital to have surgery on my penis”.

 

Enlargement or shrinkage?

 

 

7. Prospective employer calls an employee offering employment. “Hello April, we would like to offer you some work with our company, you would be starting today at 4pm.  Employee: Great, I’m very excited and looking forward to it.

….10minutes after the phone call…. “Hi, this is April, I will not be able to start work.

Employer: “Oh why”

Employee:  I phoned home and told my mother I had a job.  She said, that’s great.  But your younger brother is going to jail, so pack up all your stuff and head home”

 

8. Employment agency calls up an individual to offer work.  Employee states: “Some days I won’t feel like working, so if a job is not flexible, there’s no point.”

 

 

9. I can’t go to work today; the garbage bag fell on my hand.

 

 

10. I can’t go to work because I haven’t bathed for 9 days and I have to take a bath today.

 

Yes, please take a bath.

 

11. Employee calls work to explain why she is not at work. “I couldn’t go to work because I have gonorrhea.”

 

12. I can’t go to work today because I have Diarrhea.

 

13. Employee calls the office stating, “I cannot go to work anymore.” Employer asks why not and the employees replies, “I just came from the doctor’s and it is determined that I am paranoid.”

 

 

Equal Pay for Equal Work New Amendment is Here. Have you made changes?

Bill 148 introduced a lot of changes to the ESA, many of which have already come into effect such as minimum wage increase. The ESA had already provided that employers are prohibited from paying employees different rates based on sex if they performed work that required substantially same skills, effort and responsibility and they worked under similar conditions.

Effective April 1, 2018 Bill 148 adds a new provision to the ESA with similar prohibitions to mandate employers pay employees at the same rate based on employment status when they work in the same establishments and;

• They perform substantially same kind of work
• Their work requires substantially same skills, effort and responsibility
• They work under similar working conditions.

The term “employment status” in the ESA refers to difference in permanent, temporary, seasonal or casual employment.

Bill 148 also requires temporary help agency employees to be paid at the same rate as existing employees of the agency’s client who perform substantially the same work with criteria set out above.

Employers cannot reduce an employee’s rate of pay in order to comply with this provision of Bill 148.

Are there any exceptions?

A difference in the rate of pay is still justifiable based on any of the following criteria:

• A seniority system
• A merit system
• A system that measures earnings by quality or quantity of production
• Any other factor other than sex or employment status.

Although rate of pay has not been defined, it likely requires same wage rate but not same benefits or other entitlements.

Subsequently, any employee who believes that their rate of pay does not comply with this provision, can request a review of their pay rate from their employer. When employee does so, employer must either adjust employee’s pay rate or provide a written response with reasons clearly set out.

What your business should do to be prepared

As a result of these amendments, provincially regulated employers in Ontario should take a holistic look at their employees and positions to determine if any employees at an establishment are performing substantially same kind of work requiring substantially same skills, effort and responsibility under similar conditions are being paid different rates. If the difference in rate is not based on any exceptions including seniority and merit, consider increasing pay rates before a request for wage review comes in.

It is prudent to have standardized procedures in place that include job descriptions (for which compensable factors are taken into account) and carefully documented performance management and employee evaluation. Employers should also decide on how they will have employees’ request for wage review handled with steps concisely determined.